OBSESSED WITH A LOOPY LOOP 
Unusual cancellations at short notice of the Bull Hill and Widdop fell races forced a change of agenda from weekly racing. Alternative midweek fixtures posed over ambitious chances of getting to them on time, so reluctantly I had to concede to a mid-summer mini-break from racing. Well it was that, or race on the road. I'd rather win a competition to spend a day in the company of Lewis Hamilton than racecon the roads - that's how much I can't stand the thought of a tarmac surface at the moment. So instead, this was an opportunity to rub my hands at the prospect of indulging in fell training. Time to get my head down with the intention of bouncing back from that Tockholes show. Still rankling as a minor step backwards, it's also a small Chantenay carrot of motivation. You're only as good as you're last race, but some say you're only as good as your next one. I wonder which is true?
Onwards to the subject of obsession though. Obsession can be the backbone to the success of a runner. The very catalyst of their unwavering commitment. But obsession can also be a detrimental distraction. Over the years I've discovered obsessing over running stuff is a fine balance that requires a regular reality check. It's endless what runners can obsess over. Most common traits would be over mileage targets, perhaps the need to run every single day, particular training routes, nutrition fads, average pace, cadence... yes cadence for crying out loud (technology has a lot to answer for) to name but a few.
Obsession, and particularly ones driven by gadgetry, can be further fuelled by the scrutiny of statistics on Strava and similar applications. The daily consciousness of who is watching could become more important than what you're actually doing and the long term goals. Some obsess in regular posts on social media as well, with almost every single time their running shoes get an outing being posted on Facechat, Instatwit or whatever. If it motivates individuals in a positive way then who am I to knock it?  But equally, if it induces foolish pride, overtraining or impairing focus, then being continuously needy for public endorsements of fellow runners may not be all that advantageous in the long run.
Allowing any running obsession to override sensibility is a first class ticket to a place called delusion. I've been there a few times, I still frequent it from time to time.
My own running obsessions have changed over the years and I can't deny my own fleeting moments of over-inflated vanity in the past. It is a sport which can naturally release an overdose of happy chemicals to the brain and as such I'd say most runners can't keep a lid on their emotions all of the time. Even those that don't shout from the rooftops will enjoy it when others do it on their behalf sometimes. It's natural. We work hard to try and get good results. When we get them, we have a right to savour that moment. We are only here once. Oddly though, some of my best racing moments of yesteryear were not savoured half as much as I should have, for I was always overly self critical thinking what I could have done - what I could do - to get even better.
To this day, harsh self criticism still surfs upon the ebbs and flows of my fluctuating  self esteem. Luckily I can never take myself seriously for too long and will humour myself out of those black holes by revelling in my own self deprecation. Although I will give myself a quick pat on the back these days when I do actually have a good race - rarity that it is. Whilst I'm not partial to all that Strava palaver and self hype on social media which I do find tedious and annoying at times, I guess these pages are my own little outlet of self gratifying tedium which has, to some extent, become an obsession too.
If I do seek or have sought a real source of public validation as a runner, then for me it's always been about the race results. Results are the part of running that history cannot fudge and does not forget. Ultimately that's what one's efforts are judged on. Not that anybody else may be looking or judging, but I am, so it's important to me and I dare say the reason I get upset when I race below par.
Crikey, reading back on those last few paragraphs is quite heavy duty even for me, so pardon the self counselling session there and after yet another subject digression, back to my own current obsessions and alas to the loopy loop...
Racing at least once a week in Spring and Summer has been - whilst also a preconceived plan - something of an obsession. Hopefully this enforced racing break will be a blessing in disguise. But in the last month or so my training has taken a twist by a new obsession over a training route which is a particular loop I enjoy on Pendle Hill. I am now religiously running this loop over and over again. I'm not getting bored of it, far from it. The stopwatch tells me it's making me stronger and that's all I need to know. It's also got me inspired enough to run regularly in the morning. Now that in itself is a revelation! Setting off a little earlier to work for a blast on the fell... I didn't know I had it in me.
This last fortnight or so has seen me up there looping, well I'm not sure how many times, but well in to double figures... obsessed! It feels like some progress is being made and certainly as far as running routines are concerned, there's no fix required to the unbroken. I put all this loopy training to the test last Wednesday with a time trial that was once an obsession in itself and one of the reasons I finally got in to fell racing. Nearer my neck of the woods at White Coppice, a run to the summit of Great Hill and back was once a regular feature in my schedule. My history with this route goes back to first running on the hills with my pal Stix in 2005. It soon became a time trial, an obsession and one which eventually led to joining Chorley Harriers in 2006 and an end to my footballing days. I've run up there more times than I could ever remember, but I don't recall actually running this route as an out and out time trial for maybe six years or more which is a crazy statistic in itself. Where have I been? What have I been doing? Anyway, subconsciously inspired by the excellent theme tune to Scandinavian cop drama 'The Bridge', which Sara and I have been binge watching recently, ''everything goes back to the beginning''. I thought this old classic up and downer would be an acid test for where I'm up to and replace the absence of a race recently. It was certainly the latter. I got really nervous for this and more so than I would do for an actual race! There was the fear of delusion, a fear that I wouldn't get anywhere near the sort of time that I used to bash out. But there was also a quiet confidence, based on recent training runs that I could still knock out a time to be satisfied with. These conflicting emotions combined to create those quite intense pre-time trial nerves. This long overdue return proved to be a positive experience though, with a very respectable time to the summit and deceptively very good split on the return. So this told me what I needed to know. The uphill work is getting better whilst it seemed like normal service had resumed on the flat and downhill. All boding well for the next race then. After another week of loopy loops since, tonight it's back to the racing game in Rossendale.