BEGINNING OF THE END?
Since turning forty, summarising my racing ability over the last five years draws comparisons with a bath tub slowly draining away it's contents. Occasionally a welcome obstruction might have halted the flow, but right now it feels as if the drainage is speeding up. The whirlpool to the plughole is forming and it's gaining momentum.
There is a very real sense of some sort of end. This was the overwhelming feeling when out running yesterday. Punishing myself with further attempts of getting back to good racing fitness seems fruitless, for I'm not even getting the slightest inkling that I'm even going in the right direction. Whether this imminent end will be permanent or incur a long term break is not clear, but after another tired week that had actually followed a promising interval session... I can't be doing with the constant disappointment. The knees have been complaining again and I can't bury myself in the denial of that for much longer either. It's affecting my stride and I feel all out of synch. I thought Pilates was the miracle cure, but it can't plaster over the cracks of wear and tear. The classes certainly help, but I just never seem to recover fully from any run these days. I certainly never feel like an unsprung coil, that's for sure.
I feel shattered this morning again for no good reason. It's probably complete madness to race tonight, but there is a sense of duty to myself that I shouldn't give up just yet.